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The Angels [Sabrina (Kate Jackson), Kelly (Jaclyn Smith) and Jill (Farrah
Fawcett)] gather in Bosley's office for their new assignment
There has been a threat against the Greek ambassador's life and Charlie wants to insure his safety
Charlie: (From the speaker box) I want you to meet the Greek Ambassador's security team...
Bosley leads Xena, Gabrielle and Salmoneus in the room
Charlie: This is Xena, the warrior princess and her special agents Gabrielle and Salmoneus
Jill: Wait a minute, I'M the one that's supposed to dress up in the bosom-busting costumes!
Kelly: (Rolling her eyes) Don't worry, you'll get your turn
Charlie: Xena is the weapons expert, and Gabrielle has the verbal skills...
Gab: (Proudly) I scored a 750!
Kelly: And what is your expertise Salmoneus?
Sal: Oh, I'm behind the ambassador's new advertising campaign..."Got Moussaka?"
Sabrina: So, what's the plan Charlie?
Charlie: They'll take turns staking out the ambassador with you...
Gab: (Aside to Xena) Xena, they're talking to a box
Xena: I know
Gab: And the box is talking back
Xena: I know
Gab: I'm perplexed
Xena: About the box?
Gab: No, why they wear their hair like that
Xena: Be nice, they could say the same about us
Charlie: Now that you know the plan, good luck angels
Gab: How cute!
Xena: (Growling) I'm NOBODY'S angel!
Kelly: (Rolling her eyes) What a shock
Xena and the others leave
Bosley and Salmoneus stay behind
Sal: Hey Bosley
Bos: Yeah Salmoneus?
Sal: With all of these beautiful, powerful women around...do you ever feel, you know, whipped?
Bos: All the time
Sal: Fun isn't it?
Bos: You bet your stuffed grape leaves!
Bosley shows Salmoneus a peephole to the Angels' shower
Bos: (Evil grin) It's 90' outside, let's hope they do plenty of running
Sal: I just hope Xena and Gabrielle don't come across any lakes first
Later in the day
Sabrina, Gabrielle and Argo stake out the hotel dining room from a park bench across the street
An ice-cream truck drives by
Gab: (Smacking her lips) It sure is hot out today
Sab: (Not picking up on the hint) Sure is
Gab: I'd really love a "Juicy-Stick"
Sab: Stand in line
Gab: But I don't have any money
Sab: You're a pretty girl, you shouldn't have to pay
Gab: (Bewildered) Whatever - Hey Sab, do you ever feel...
Sab: Not so fresh?
Gab: Actually, I was going to say "like a third wheel"
Sab: Literally - the other two may be more beautiful but I have the brains!
Gab: But you're never appreciated for them
Sab: Are you trying to depress me Gab?
Gab: Oh no, I'm just trying to relate...see, I bring alot to the relationship with Xena but my efforts often go unnoticed
Sab: Like what?
Gab: Like I've saved her leather-clad rear on more than one occasion, I provide levity when things get too serious, I'm Xena's moral compass AND I throw down the rockin' jams on my panflute
Sab: Wow, I just drive around in my Pinto looking concerned
Gab: Yet everyone still thinks I'm Xena's toadie
A man in the park whistles for his dog
Gab: (Gets up and looks around) That's funny, I thought I heard Xena calling me - Anyway, another thing Xena lacks that I have...PEOPLE SKILLS
Sab: People skills?
Gab: Yeah, you can only scream and throw a sword around so many times before people start to think you're mean...I know how to smooth things over with them
A mother and her two young children stop to pat Argo
Gab: HEY...YOU TOUCH THE HORSE, YOU BREAK THE HORSE, YOU BUY THE HORSE
Xena and Kelly are guarding the ambassador at the press luncheon
Jill is disguised as a cocktail waitress
Jill: (Coming over to Xena and Kelly) So far, everything looks secure
Xena: (Looking at Jill) I'd like a large screw
Kelly: (Rolling her eyes) Who wouldn't?
Jill: Don't you mean "screwdriver?"
Xena: Whatever...and bring me a glass of wine
The ambassador gets up to speak
Kelly: (Eying the ambassador) He sure is cute
Xena: I suppose
Kelly: Don't you fall in love with the men you encounter on your adventures?
Xena: Occasionally but usually we just beat them up or kill them
Xena senses something wrong
She eyes the audience
Xena: (Jumping on the ambassador) Get down!
Kelly: (Rolling her eyes) Talk about making the first move
Xena catches a flaming shish-kabob aimed at the ambassador's heart
Kelly: So much for dessert
Kris (Cheryl Ladd) comes over as a cocktail waitress
Kris: I saw him run into the park across the street
Xena: Wait a minute, what happened to Jill?
Kris: I'm her sister, everything's fine
Xena: (Confused) Right...
Sabrina and Gabrielle watch a guy in a black ski mask run by them
Gab: It's way too hot to be wearing that
Sab: (Seeing the commotion across the street at the hotel) That guy made an attempt on the ambassador!
Gab: Now don't go jumping to any conclusions, maybe he just has bad acne
Sab: (Getting on Argo) YAH
Gab: Argo won't let anyone but Xena ride her
Sabrina and Argo take off into the woods
Gab: I don't believe this!
Xena, Kelly and Kris come over
Xena: We'll break off and check all ends of the park - Gabrielle and Kris, you head south and east, Kelly and I'll go north and west
Gab: I'm really tired of you ordering me to head south Xena
Xena: Not now Gabrielle
Gab: Hey, what happened to Jill?
Kris: I'm her sister, it's OK
Gab: (Confused) Right...
Kelly: Who's watching the ambassador?
Xena: I have Bosley and Salmoneus all over him
Kelly: (Rolling her eyes) What a thrill for them
Kris and Gabrielle run off
Gab: (Hearing funky music) What's that noise?
Kris: Oh that's just Disco, it plays whenever we run
Gab: And I thought the Bulgarian War Chants were bad...
After searching for hours to no avail, everyone meets back at the park bench Tiffany (Shelley Hack) rides up on Argo
Tiffany: I chased the guy but I lost him in the hills
Gab: What happened to Sabrina?
Tiffany: I'm her friend, it's OK
Gab: (More confused) Right...
Julie (Tanya Roberts) comes running over
Julie: Any luck?
Gab: (Most confused) What happened to Kris?
Julie: Who's Kris?
Gab: (Running off) That's it!
Xena: We need to get back and cover all the angles with the ambassador
Kelly: (Rolling her eyes) I'm sure he'll provide the protractor
Back at Bosley's office, the angels discuss the situation with Charlie
Charlie: (From the box) I have the ambassador in a safe house, do any of you have a lead?
Julie: Just the flaming shish-kabob
Xena: I might know an expert who could help us out
Charlie: Get on it Xena!
Kelly: (Rolling her eyes) That's pretty hard to do with a box
Xena: Where's Gabrielle?
Tiffany: I think she's still at the park
Xena heads back to the park and finds Gabrielle crying under a tree
Xena: Hey, what's wrong?
Gab: (Semi-hysterical) Xena, I'm scared - there are too many weird things going on here...talking boxes are one thing but these girls keep disappearing only to be replaced by others and NO ONE seems to care!
Xena: (Hugging Gab) I know...
Gab: And this Kelly - she keeps rolling her eyes - I know it's not polite to make fun of people with problems but WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
Xena: (Stroking Gab's hair) It'll be OK...
Gab: (Looking at Xena) Promise you won't replace me
Xena: I promise
Callisto walks over
Cal: You wanted to see me Xena?
Gab: (Slapping Xena) LIAR
Gabrielle runs off
Xena: I need your advice Callisto
Cal: Why should I help you?
Xena: I'll let you play with my chackrum
Cal: Tempting...but not enough
Xena: You can play with my chackrum AND my breast dagger
Cal: Still in it's holder?
Xena: Yeah, fine
Xena: (Handing her the shish-kabob) Does this look familiar to you?
Cal: Hey, I may be a psycho but I'd never use food as a weapon
Xena: Do you know who would?
Cal: I might, let me do some checking
Callisto returns with the culprit
Xena: How do you know this is the guy?
Callisto: He's part of my legion, I noticed a few shish-kabobs missing from the food supply
Xena: Why does he want to kill the ambassador?
Callisto: He's upset that the ambassador went with "Got Moussaka?" instead of "Got Shish-Kabobs?"
Xena: Thanks Callisto
Callisto: (Smirking) You're gonna be thanking me later tonight
Xena returns to Bosley's office and hands over the "shish-assassin" to the police
Charlie: (Box voice) Good job everyone, the ambassador is most grateful!
Kelly: (Walking in and slipping her panties into her purse) You could say that again
Everyone rolls their eyes simultaneously
Bosley: (Nudging Salmoneus) I know you girls did alot of running today...
Salmoneus: Yeah, right...um, maybe you all should take a shower!
Gab: Oh no, that's it - we're leaving! - right Xena?
Xena: (Getting up and walking out the door) Yep
Gab: (Following her) Well, I'm glad that's over - talk about scary!
Callisto with whip in hand beckons Xena
Xena: Now THIS is scary
Callisto: Forget the chackrum and breast dagger, I found a new toy for us to play with
Xena: (To Gabrielle) You run along with Argo, I'll catch up later
Gab: What are you doing Xena?
Callisto: You're looking at her!
Xena: I need to put my touch on Callisto
Gab: Why, what information does she hold?
Xena: Not that touch
Xena and Callisto walk off
Sabrina pulls up in her Pinto
Sab: (Out the window to Gab) C'mon honey, let's go get some ice-cream!
Gab: (Jumping in the car) YES