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Friends Romans Countrymen

by Lizzy/Tendre

Xena and Gabrielle leave Argo outside and walk into "Central Perk" - the "Friends" are doing their usual...uh...what IS it that they do?

Xena: I understand you serve food and drink here

Rachel: (Thoroughly frightened) Uh-huh

Xena: Well?

Rachel: biscotti and espresso alright?

Xena: Fine

Gab: Hey Xena, didn't you kill them in Sparta?

Monica: (Enters in a huff) OK, whose horse is out front? It just doo-dooed all over the sidewalk and I'm NOT cleaning it up!

Xena: (Snarling) It's mine

Monica: Rach, where's the broom?

Ross (Coming over) Excuse me, are those Corinthinan markings on your...uh (Looking at Xena's chest) breast...plate...thing?

Xena: You know of Corinth?

Ross: Only a little, you see I work at a museum and...

Xena and Ross get into a big converstation
Rachel takes Monica aside

Rachel: God! Do you see the way Ross is looking at her?

Monica: Well, you can't really NOT look at her

Rachel: Mon?

Monica: Yeah hon?

Rachel: (Sobs) I want boobs like hers!

Monica: (Sighs) Don't we all

Gabrielle goes over to Phoebe who is strumming her guitar

Gab: Hi, I'm Gabrielle

Phoebe: Of course you are

Gab: Uh, do you have a name?

Phoebe: Of course I do, Phoebe

Gab: Phoebe...are you Greek?

Phoebe: No, Rachel's the sorority girl

Gab: So, you're a musician

Phoebe: Yep

Gab: Not much of a conversationalist

Phoebe: Hey, I support the rainforest!

Gab: OK, anyway, that's Xena the warrior princess and I'm her bard

Phoebe: Cool, Ross' ex-wife has a bard too

Joey and Chandler come down from their apartment and freeze at the sight of Xena and Gabrielle

Joey: Whoa...babes in costumes

Chandler Why God when I have these dreams it's ALWAYS in the coffee shop with my friends hanging around?

Joey: Did you say something Chan?

Chandler I said it must be lunch hour at the strip joint down the street

Joey: (Shrugging) Funny, I don't recognize them

Chandler Maybe we should introduce ourselves

Joey: I dunno man, that one chick's sword is bigger than mine if you know what I mean

Chandler Only by a few centimeters, right pal?

Joey: You betcha!

Chandler I still want to meet them...listen...Ross is talking about Greece, they must be Greek!

Joey: Maybe we should talk to them about the Olympics or something?

Chandler Yeah right, nothing screams "DO ME" quite like "Hey, how about that Juan Antonio Samaranch guy"

Joey: Hey, it's a start

Joey walks over to Xena and Ross Gabrielle comes over to Chandler

Gab: Hi, I'm Gabrielle and that's Xena, warrior princess

Chandler Hello, I'm Chandler, office automaton and that's Joey...uh...that's Joey

Phoebe: OK OK, Can I have everyone's attention? Um...SHUT UP...OK, I want to dedicate a song to our two new friends (Now singing) "Warrior...princess...warrior...princess...which one exactly are you?"

Rachel: (Whispering) Mon, look at these funny coin thingees she paid me with - what do I do?

Monica: Look at HER (Pointing to Xena) Do you really want to ask them to leave?

Rachel: (Whining) Ross!

Ross: What's wrong Rach?

Rachel: Ross, they scare me, get rid of them

Ross: C'mon honey, they're really nice girls, slightly intimidating, but nice...

Xena hoists Joey off the ground and holds her sword to his neck - Chandler passes out

Ross: (Gulps) Or maybe not...

Xena throws Joey on the sofa
Monica goes over to Joey

Monica: Are you OK? What did you say to her?

Joey: All I said was that I'm Italian and I really love tomatoes

Xena: Let's go Gabrielle, these people make me nervous

Gab: I dunno Xena, I kinda like Chandler

Xena: Be careful, something tells me he'd prefer Hercules


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