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Tendre is walking up a hill when a huge sphere rolls towards her. It stops right in front of her face
Sphere: Hello, Tendre
Tendre: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Sphere: Don't you recognize me?
Tendre: No, not really
Sphere: I'm "Xebrielle," the characters formerly known as "Xena" and "Gabrielle"
Tendre: Let me guess, you have a symbol to spell your new name
Sphere: Oooh, a symbol, I like that idea
Tendre: Tell me, what happened to Xena and Gabrielle?
Sphere: Well, we used to be a rhombus and an isosceles triangle but the writers decided to smooth out our rough edges and combined us into this one sphere...do you like?
Tendre: Can't say that I do...it was your distinctiveness that charmed me in the first place - By the way, Gabrielle, I just love your new "swatch of carpeting" look...I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually miss the peasant dress!
Sphere: XEBRIELLE, IT'S XEBRIELLE NOW
Sphere: Surely you can't expect the characters to remain static?
Tendre: Of course not, but what's up with the exponential growth? - I could see if your show ended after the third season but if you expect a TREK lifespan of 5-7 years, you're firing off all your dramatic rockets prematurely...and they have creams to help that
Sphere: I want to give the writers a challenge
Tendre: If you want to challenge your writers, give them an algebra problem - the only people you're challenging right now is your viewers
Sphere: Why, what's wrong?
Tendre: OK, where shall we be begin...first, I enjoyed the glimpses into Xena's soft side and Gabrielle's tough side last year, that's what made the episodes "The Ties That Bind" and "The Greater Good" such outstanding gems...
Sphere: And I've capitalized on it
Tendre: You've capitalized on it, italicized on it, annotated on it and added a bibliography...KNOCK IT OFF
Sphere: I don't understand the problem
Tendre: Hey, I sincerely apologize for not being Jackie Joyner-Kersee but I just can't take the huge plot jumps this season
Sphere: Am I really asking that much?
Tendre: Look, Xena emotional all the time and Gabrielle turning humorless and butch are one thing but all the shows so far have focused on your former enemies, friends and family
Sphere: It's cut down on my long distance bill
Tendre: Your best adventures come when you help total strangers, that's what made "Cradle of Hope," "The Titans" and "Altared States" so special
Sphere: It's wrong to judge me by the first six episodes
Tendre: Very true, it's way too early to call this a "sophomore slump" but I'm afraid I'm giving you a "D" for this quarter
Sphere: A "D"?
Tendre: Hey, your amazing acting skills saved you from getting a big, red "F"
Sphere: You can't expect me to go back
Tendre: This from the people who obliterated the concept of "timeline" - No, I don't want you to go back but you could slacken the pace
Sphere: But I'm on a roll
Sphere: Not according to the numbers
Tendre: Quality and quantity don't always equal each other
Sphere: I like my current tempo, thank you
Tendre: That's fine, just realize that you have two options - keep it up/crash and burn or hit the breaks and give us all a mild case of whiplash - personally, I wouldn't mind wearing a neckbrace if it meant saving your distinguishing traits
Sphere: You forget, I'm one character now
Tendre: And if I didn't suck so bad at math, I'd do everything in my power to split you back into two complimentary angles
Sphere: Look, if you don't like the ride, get off
Tendre: Nope, I'm in this for the long run...I only say these words because I truly care
Sphere: Well, thanks for caring...I'm late for my lunchbox portrait
The sphere rolls over Tendre on it's way
Tendre: Thank the gods it wasn't a dodecahedron!