Convert This Page to Pilot DOC FormatConvert this page to Pilot DOC Format

XR - The Adventures Of Dr. Warrior Princess

by Lizzy/Tendre

Xena and Gabrielle stride toward an operating room in their green scrubs...

Gab: So, what are we doing today?

Xena: A routine cardio

Gab: Aphrodite break another heart?

Xena: Apparently so

Gab: Hey Xena, tell me again why we need to wear these green clothes

Xena: Some rule about "cleanliness" - who knows - just be glad we get to wear something else for a change!

They enter the room where a man lies on the table. Salmonius and Argo look on...

Sal: Xena - It's about time! (Takes Xena aside) With your permission, I could sell tickets to know how people love to see blood

Xena: The only blood they're gonna see is yours if you don't get outta here!

Sal: Fine, I'm know, you might want to practice your bedside manner a little more

Xena: (Walking over to the patient) Hello, my name is Xena and I'll be your surgeon today

Patient: Xena...the warrior're a doctor too?

Xena: I have many skills

Gab: (Comes over to the patient) Xena here once saved the great Hippocrates himself

Patient: (Looking at Xena) Who is this girl?

Xena: This is Gabrielle, your anesthesiologist

Gab: Hi there!

Xena: She'll be telling you some...stories... to induce an unconscious state

Patient: But Xena, how do YOU stay awake?

Xena: By the gods, I have yet to figure that out

Gab: HEY

Xena: Now, while she recites the tale of the Titans, I will ask you to count backwards

Patient: X...IX....VIII.....VII......VI........V........IV...........III............... .

Xena: OK, he's out, let's do it! - YIYIYIYIYIEEEE

Gab: Quiet, Xena

Xena: Oh yeah...yiyiyiyiyieeee

Gab: We'll probably have to operate on his ears next

Xena: Give me the thoracic cutter

Gab: Huh?

Xena: Just hand me the chackrum

Gab: Chackrum

Xena: Now, I have two fingers on his aorta

Salmonius bursts in...

Sal: Xena! I just thought of a great new's called an "HMO"

Xena: Argo, get him outta here

Argo kicks Salmonius out the door

Sal: (Voice trailing off) Just think about it, would you?

Gab: Hmm, I wonder what an "HMO" is?

Xena: Probably some evil plan of Ares, now clamp it!

Gab: Gosh Xena, I just asked a question, you don't have to be so mean!

Xena: Clamp the artery, Gabrielle

Gab: Heh, I knew that

Xena: Fire of Hephaestus

Gab: Fire of Hephaestus

Xena: Golden Fleece

Gab: Golden Fleece

Xena: Wine of Dionysus

Gab: Wine of Dionysus...What's that for?

Xena: Me

Gab: Right

Xena: OK, I think we're just about done, suction!

Gab: But Xena, you haven't even given me a ring yet

Xena: Gabrielle - The patient!

Gab: I don't even KNOW him

Xena: (Sighs) Argo, please assist

Gab: Nevermind Argo, I'll get it (Shakes her head) the things I do for you Xena!

Xena: There, all done, now hand me a suture

Gab: Wow Xena, you stitch so well!

Xena: I used to embroider

Gab: That would explain the farm animals over his nipple

Xena: Success! - Now, let's wake him up

Gab: I'll get my panflute

Salmonius bursts in again

Sal: Xena! - You're needed in the burn unit, some crazy blonde woman is just dying to see you


Fan Fiction
Return to my Fan Fiction Page