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Xena, Gabrielle and Argo are resting under a tree
Gab: (Pondering) First Princess Diana, now Meg...how many more women look like you, Xena?
Xena: I'm sure there'll be a few more
Gab: When am I going to find someone who looks like me?
Xena: Next season, Gabrielle, I promise
A group of screaming children run by, followed by a huge yellow creature
Gab: My gods, what was THAT...a hydra?
Xena: A hydra gone awry...whatever, it's after the children, C'MON
Xena and Gabrielle tackle the creature and start punching it
The children begin to cry
Kids: STOP IT, STOP IT, YOU HURT BIG BIRD
Gab: (Spitting a feather out of her mouth) Big Bird? THIS is a bird?
Big B: Now, if you lovely ladies would please stop trying to kill me, you can come along with us to Xesame Xtreet
Gab: Xesame Xtreet?
Xena: I think it crosses the Appian Way
Gab: Let's go with them, Xena, it could be fun!
Xena: That's what I'm afraid of
Big B: (Getting up) Follow me!
Xena: (Grabbing Gab by the hair) No skipping!
A few moments later, all arrive at what looks like a city neighborhood
Gab: This doesn't seem real...the same few buildings are used over and over again
Xena: Kinda makes you homesick, doesn't it?
A bunch of muppets run by them
Gab: Wow, look at all the cute but annoying creatures with goofy faces
Xena: Now we know where Joxer hails from
Grover: (Coming over with some kids) Would you two help us play some school games?
Xena: (Smirking) In-class games or the ones we played in back of the swings?
Grover: The children are learning the alphabet, maybe you could recite it for us?
Gab: No problem - alright kids, let's begin!
Gab: Alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, lambda, mu, nu, xi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, upsilon, phi, chi, psi, omega
Gab: What? - Was that the wrong alphabet?
A little boy walks over to Gab and kicks her in the shin
Boy: SHOW OFF
Gab: Hey, it's called "diversity" - Remember THAT when you're flipping fish cakes for a living!
Grover: (To Xena) Is your friend always this obnoxious?
Xena: She makes up for it later
Grover: Now children, let's move on to geography
They all gather around a dancing globe
Grover: I want each of you to show us your country on "Big Earth" here
Grover: Koji, you're up first
Koji: (Pointing to Japan) I am from Japan
Grover: Good job, Koji! - Maria, you're next
Maria: (Pointing to Ecuador) I am from Ecuador
Grover: Wonderful, Maria! - Tommy, your turn
Tommy: I'M AN AMERICAN AND THIS WHOLE WORLD IS MINE
Grover: Alright, let's give someone else a try - Hey, Xena, go ahead!
Xena: (Sheepish) Well...I'm from Greece
Grover: Can you find Greece on the map?
Gab: (Smug) Yeah Xena, can you find Greece on the map?
Xena glares at Gabrielle and points to New Zealand
Xena pulls out her sword
Grover: Break time!
Cookie Monster jumps in front of Gabrielle
CM: COOKIES...GIMME YOUR COOKIES
Xena: (Putting "the points" on him) YOU AINT TOUCHIN' HER COOKIES
Gab: Xena, he means REAL cookies
Xena: (Releasing him) Right
Gab: I'm sorry, I don't have any cookies...BUT, I might have something better!
Gabrielle takes something out of Argo's saddlebag
Gab: Here, try this
CM: (Eating) MMMMM...NUTBREAD...GIMME NUTBREAD
Gab: Nope, that's it...the rest is MINE
The Count approaches
Gab: (Slamming him with her staff) BACCHI, BACCHI
Xena: HOLD ON, I'M GETTING A DRIYAD BONE
Count: (Dodging Gab) VHAT are you doing, young ladies? - I just vant to count vith you!
Xena: Yeah, that's what they ALL say
The children run over
Kids: STOP IT, STOP IT, YOU HURT THE COUNT
Gab: Oh no...he really DOES want to count with us!
Count: One - that's all I vanted to do, Two - I vink you are in need ov some serious help, Three - I'm getting the vuck out of here!
Gab: WAIT, please give us another chance! - We'd LOVE to count with you, wouldn't we Xena?
Xena: Speak for yourself
Gab: C'mon, would it hurt you to go beyond 10 for once in your life?
Xena: I have 10 fingers and 10 toes...unlike SOME people
Xena: Why would I need to need to count any higher?
Gab: Fine, why don't you just go sulk in a corner somewhere, you're really good at that!
Xena sits next to Oscar's trash can while Gabrielle challenges The Count with integers
Xena: Do you mind if I stay here?
Oscar: Yeah, I mind
Oscar: Are you always this grouchy?
Xena: (Picking up Oscar's lid) This is the most unique chackrum I've ever seen
Xena hurls it and decapitates Elmo
Burt and Ernie walk by
Xena: What's up with those two?
Oscar: Well, they're best friends...they live in an apartment together...and they never seem to have any dates
Gabrielle scampers over to Xena and flops on top of her
Gab: XeeXeeBear, I miss you!
Oscar looks suspiciously at both of them
Xena: HEY - Gabrielle and I DON'T live in an apartment
Dressed in a fireman's outfit, Gonzo comes over with some children
Gonzo: Hi there, we're celebrating "Fire Safety Week," do you have any advice?
Gab: Stay away from Callisto
Xena reaches for her brandy flask and a torch
Xena: Actually, I have a little trick I could show you
Gab: (Grabbing the flask) No Xena, now's NOT the time!
Gonzo: Maybe Xena can show us another trick
Xena: OK kids, I'm going to teach you how to slice open your enemy's carotid artery using your fingernail
Kids: Could you show us on Gabrielle?
Kermit and Miss Piggy come over
Kermit: Hi Ho, we were just...
Kermit gasps as he looks at Gabrielle
Kermit: (Jumping on her) Those big eyes...that green cloth...AT LAST I'VE FOUND MY LOVE
Xena: Get off her leg, only I can do that
MissP: You will NOT take my Kermy away from me, you strawberry-haired strumpet!
Xena picks up both Kermit and Miss Piggy and tosses them aside
Kermit: I only want to be with my heart's desire
Xena: Unless you want to be an appetizer in France, I suggest you hop along
Gab: Find France on the map, Xena
Xena: Shut up, Gabrielle
MissP: Why I've NEVER seen such heathens in my life!
Xena: Lady, I've got three words for you - BLACK...FOREST...HAM
Gab: Oh good, we're going to count again
An English boy in a yellow shirt walks up to Gabrielle
Jimmy: Excuse me, I'm looking for a magic, gold flute - have you seen it?
Gab: Do you play the panflute too?
H.R. Puff n' Stuff dances by with some children
Xena: Now THAT's one wicked-ass hydra!
Gab: Hey Xena, let's go - I've think I've had enough adventures for today
Xena: Try the whole month
Gabrielle points to a meadow with Argo and Snuffy
Xena: (Whistling) ARGO...YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW