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Gabrielle and Xena are strutting down a marble runway.
Gab: (Sexy voice) Hi, I'm Gabrielle
Xena: (Following) And I'm Xena
Gab: We're the new hosts of XTV's House of Style, if you're wondering what happened to Amber and Shalom, um, well...Xena killed them
Xena: They annoyed me
Gab: Forcing them to eat a meal was kinda cruel, don't you think?
Xena: I wanted it to be a quick death
Gab: Now, sit back and in the next half hour we'll show you the new Badgley Mischka line of dress armor, what to take to your next orgy and, of course, Todd Oldham shows us how to how make your horse's mane extra funky by coloring it with Kool-Aid
Xena: Hey Gab, don't forget things that are cool and things that suck
Gab: Of course not...by the way, what sucks for you Xena?
Xena: Your mouth
Gab: HEY - Anyway, all that AND the world premier of RuPaul's new video "Superhero!"
Xena: You better RUN
Gab: Hey Xee, you may be a princess, but Ru is the ULTIMATE queen
Xena: I have one thing to say...
Gab: Sashay, Shante?
Xena: No, I killed them in Thrace
Gab: You go girl!
Xena: Go where?
Gab: I don't know
Cindy Crawford bursts onto the set
Cindy: Wait a minute, where did you guys come from?
Gab: The 4th century
Cindy: A.D.? B.C.?
Gab: We only listen to Techno and Bulgarian war chants
Xena: I think she means the timeline
Gab & Xena (Unison of laughter) TIMELINE!
Cindy: (Impatient) Would you please tell me what happened to Amber and Shalom?
Xena: You'll soon find out if you don't get out of here
Cindy: Hey, I used to host this show you know!
Gab: Excuse me, you've got a piece of chocolate on your face
Xena flings her chackrum at Cindy
Xena: Not anymore
Cindy: (Bleeding) ARE YOU INSANE? That mole made millions for me!
Gab: Don't worry, Xena can stitch it back on, she used to embroider
Cindy: You, an embroiderer?
Xena: (Stitching Cindy) I have many skills
Gab: (Tracing Xena's sword with her finger tip) She sure does
Cindy: (Staring) Wow, you have the most beautiful blue eyes...(Suggestively) You know Xena, I could come back and co-host the show with you
Gab: Back off Pepsi whore! - There's only ONE co-host for Xena and I'm it
Xena: Sorry Cindy, she's right, but you could host CNN's "STYLE"
Cindy: Why, what happened to Elsa Klensch?
Gab: She made fun of our bangs
Xena: I told her to look in the mirror before smashing it against her face
Cindy: I still think I could be a better host for you Xena
Gab: Look, clothes hanger, because your boyfriend couldn't hack it as "Batman" doesn't give you the right to scam MY superhero, now go on your book tour and strike a pose elsewhere...Better yet, why don't you get the Dalai Lama, a box of gerbils and see if Richard will take you back!
Cindy: (Running at Gabrielle) Bitch!
The two get in a really huge slap fight
Xena: (Sitting back and smiling) Now Salmoneus should sell tickets to THIS
Cindy: (Retreating) Fine, Xena is all yours...Oh, by the way Gabrielle, for "things that suck" TRY YOUR HAIR COLOR
Gabrielle starts to chase after her
Xena: Gabrielle, don't bother
Gab: Right, we have a show to do
Xena: By the way, it was kind of cute how you fought for me
Gab: Well, someone has to
Xena: Are you getting all soft on me again?
Gab: You know I need candlelight for that - Hey, tell me Xena, Cindy is beautiful...
Gab: World famous
Gab: Dinars up the wazoo
Xena: Among other things
Gab: Please feel free to stop me at any time
Xena: What are you trying to say Gabrielle?
Gab: Why did you pick me over her?
Xena: (Pondering) Cindy is alot of things...but she isn't you
Gab: (Hugging Xena) I think I'm gonna cry
Xena: Not on my armor you won't! - Besides, Lance will have a fit if you ruin your mascara
Gab: Right, the show!
Xena: C'mon it's time to pick out a flavor of Kool-Aid for Argo
Gab: I was thinking "Tropical Punch" for the tail
Xena: Let's talk