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Xena @ Delphi (NOT a spoof)

By Democratus

Sorry guys, but this is my own attempt at epic poetry ...

I mean, I know you're expecting "Xena Vs The Flying Saucers",
but you'll just have to wait ...

This takes place before the "Warrior Princess" episode of Hercules.


The thunder rolled, Great Zeus did hurl
Fork'd bolts across a leaden sky
Forth from Olympus o'er the world
To crack and flash at fair Delphi.

Amid the King of Gods' display
A figure rode to the temple white
Dismounted, paused, then turned away
The face enshrouded in the night.

And yet again returned unto
The temple entrance, gilded bright
Stepped within, revealing who
Sought out Apollo's radiant light.

Leather cuirass set with bronze
Did not disguise her swelling breasts
Graceful, proud, warlike and strong
Was Xena, Warrior Princess.

Raven haired, with glittering eye
That shone like sparks of sky-blue fire
Xena strode to the altar high
To tell the priest of her desire.

"Child of Ares, God of Strife,"
Said the priest, in tones of scorn
"Seek ye answers for your life,
From the Oracle of the Morn?"

"My past," said she,"I know full well.
My fate and fortune I would know.
And what Apollo will fortell
Will guide the way that I will go."

"Begone!" intoned the holy one.
"Your future needs no mystic sight!
Fire, death and blood in rivers run
Before you into endless night."

The man in robes, with gestures dire
Turned Xena scornfully away.
"Tempt not the patience of the fire
That runs o'erhead to make the day!"

The Warrior Princess did not stir.
Her eyes were slits of azure flame.
The priest on high stared down at her
To leave the same way that she came.

In this tense stillness, thunder pealed.
"Hail Xena!" said a voice most kind.
And the lightning stroke revealed
The Oracle standing close behind.

"Your Holiness --" The priest began.
A glance from Her, he said no more.
She turned away from that proud man
To Xena, standing at the door.

"Hail to Apollo's mortal seer!"
The woman warlord did salute,
"Gold, jewels, silver, I've brought here,
All for the Oracle's tribute.

"For troubling dreams invade my sleep,
The faces of the slaughtered foe,
The bodies piled both high and deep
What meaning here? That I must know."

"Proud Xena," said Apollo's Voice,
"You wear a crown of blood and flame,
But soon you make a fateful choice
For laurels of heroic fame.

"Olympus' half-mortal son
Shall open up your eyes to see.
A wanderer you shall become
And for you peace is not to be.

"The widow and the widow's child
Shall you then champion and defend
With all your skills and weapons wild
Your bloody past thus you'll amend.

"Warlords, brigands, reavers all
Their victim's fight you'll make your own.
Each peasant's cry, each farmer's call
You'll heed and aid them all alone.

"But loneliness shall not last long
A spark, a flame, a friend I see.
Weak of limb, of heart so strong
Her purest love will humble thee.

"Yet more: From here to Underworld
And back again your life will lead.
Like unto waves from pebble hurled
Into the pond of human deeds."

"What nonsense this!" the Princess cried,
"A wanderer? A milksop friend?
My pow'r and leadership denied?
No throne or kingdom at life's end?"

"No throne," quoth She, "could suit as well,
Proud Xena, as the warm regard
Of those whose living hearts will tell
The deeds of Xena and The Bard."

"Your prophecy I here deny!"
The warlord woman spat aloud
"No foolish heroine am I,
To fight for some ungrateful crowd!

"And Hercules you mention here,
The author of this sudden change?
I'll snare the one whom he holds dear
And Hercules' death so arrange.

"What you foretell I'll thus avoid.
And ever add to my domain!
And with the son of Zeus destroyed
My strength and army will remain!"

The Oracle her gold refused
As with a knowing smile She sighed,
"Apollo knew which way you'd choose,
And whither you'd go in your pride."

Warlike Xena bowed, withdrew
And leapt into the saddle straight.
But nagging doubt inside her grew
And nagging fears about her fate.

From cloud to cloud to oak to Earth
Almighty Zeus did vent his ire
Proud Xena rode on, her true worth
Still masked by crown of blood and fire.

Well, there it is. My Magnificent Octopus.
Next time I'll post something funny, but I've been
working on this on my lunch hour for weeks, and
there it finally is. (wait a minute ... that sounds
pretty bad. Um .. I actually knocked this off in a flash
of Mozart-like inspiration! There ya go ...)


Democratus The (Oh, I get it! It's like a poem!) Philosopher

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