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Editor's Choice Award

Xena's Therapy

by Joanna
JSandsmark@aol.com





INT. DR.'S OFFICE - DAY





Xena sits edgily on a couch, while Dr. Fealguhd sits in 


her chair taking notes.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             The problem I'm seeing is with your anger 


             issues.  You're having trouble expressing 


             yourself, so you act out on it in an 


             aggressive manner.





                                       XENA


             I was a warlord.  It's an aggressive


             business.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             But you're not a warlord now, are you?  


             Now, you're a caring pleaser.  You're a 


             giver.  





                                       XENA


             No, I'm a leaver.  Bye.





Xena gets up.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Your friend Gabrielle is concerned about 


             you and that's why you're here.  Do you 


             care so little about her feelings?  Do 


             you not respect her willingness to take 


             a chance on this intervention?





Reluctantly, Xena sits.





                                       XENA


             Well... for Gabrielle...





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Why don't you define your relationship 


             with Gabrielle.





                                       XENA


             She's my best friend.  And we share a 


             lot of subtext.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             And this subtext, could you describe it?





                                       XENA


             Tell the network censor in the corner 


             to leave and I'd be happy to.





ANGLE ON: a nerdy guy in a suit with a large pair of 


scissors, shaking his head 'no'.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Sorry.  You'd have to switch to Dr. Showtime 


             if you want to get rid of him.  Okay, let's 


             try a little word association.





                                       XENA


                               (sighs heavily)


             Whatever.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Walking.





                                       XENA


             Killing.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Meadows.





                                       XENA


             Killing.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Exotic locations.





                                       XENA


             Exotic killing.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             This isn't working very well.  Maybe we 


             need to bring in Gabrielle.





Dr. Fealguhd buzzes the receptionist and Gabrielle walks 


in.  Xena's face lights up.  The censor writes something 


down and hands it to Xena.  She grows sullen again.  


Gabrielle reads the note aloud.





                                  GABRIELLE


             "Don't look so happy, she's just your 


             friend, remember?  Nothing more." 


                              (to the censor)


             Oh for crying out loud, she can't even 


             look happy?





The censor shakes his head 'no'.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Ignore him.  Sort of.  Now, Gabrielle, 


             you are displaying some real co-dependant


             tendacies lately.  Your reliance on Xena 


             and her many skills has made you less 


             of your own person.  Care to share why?





                                       XENA


                                    (angrily)


             She's not less of a person!





Xena rises, sword in hand, but Gabrielle stops her. 





                                  GABRIELLE


                             (to Xena, calmly)


             Xena, it's okay.  


                             (turning to the doctor)


             I'd like to explore this.  Perhaps I should 


             tell you a story, Doctor, about a young 


             woman from a small village who was 


             fighting her family because they wanted


             her to marry a boy that she didn't love.  


             This girl was feeling certain urges and...





The network censor whips the scissors toward Gabby, 


but Xena snatches them out of midair.  Then she uses 


her chakram to knock him out cold.





                                       XENA


             You were saying, Gabrielle?  Certain 


             urges...?





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Maybe we should try some role reversal...





                                       XENA


                                 (to the doctor)


             Maybe you should shut up.  


                                   (to Gabrielle)


             Go on.





                                  GABRIELLE


                             (to Xena, intense)


             I've been meaning to talk to you about 


             these... urges... but every time I try 


             someone yells "cut."





                                       XENA


             Yeah, I've heard that too.  I always 


             figured it was the voice of the gods.  


             Though I never realized before how 


             nerdy and out of shape gods could be.





                                  GABRIELLE


             I think I know the source of your anger.





                               DR. FEALGUHD


             Remember, anger turned inward is guilt. 


             And anger unexpressed is--





Xena's sword somehow gets buried in the Doctor who 


is now silent.





                                       XENA


             You mean, if I had some way to express 


             my... pent up frustrations... then maybe I 


             wouldn't have these anger issues?





                                  GABRIELLE


             Exactly!  By not acting on certain natural 


             urges, you're subjugating.  And by doing 


             so, you're harming your 'wa' or inner peace.  


             You need to get in touch with the child 


             within, to play ball with her, give her a 


             tea party, make love to me, play with 


             dolls -- that sort of thing.





                                       XENA


             Hmmm.  An interesting construct.  By 


             taking down the walls, by giving myself


             the freedom to express my inner angst 


             and by doing you on the couch, I could 


             then find the peace that has eluded me!





                                  GABRIELLE


             Absolutely.  It's for your own good, 


             y'know.





                                       XENA


             I hear you and I validate you.  C'mon, babe, 


             let's do some therapy.





The rest, as they say, is not for the networks to know.





                                                                         FADE OUT:





THE END	



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