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Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.
AUTOLYCUS THE MIGHTY?
by Melissa McMahan
Xena looked over at Gabrielle as she sat crying by the camp fire, she could feel her best friend's pain as she mourned the loss of the tag along warrior wanna- be. Joxer had been with them for so long he had somehow managed to find the same soft spot in the Warrior Princess that Gabrielle had. Though Xena would often deny she cared about him, she knew how much she did care for him now. As Xena heard Gabrielle's sobs she knew that her denial was a drop in a barrel compared with the Bards.
GABBY: God's why?! (Crying) Xena why does everyone I love leave me?
XENA: I'm still here, aren't I?
GABBY: I know, but... (Sighs) I do love you, but I'm...
XENA: You're not in love with me. (Dryly) Gabrielle?
Gabrielle looks into the fire, as Xena sits next to her.
XENA: Gabrielle, look at me? (Locking eye's with Gabrielle) You never said so, but I know you were in love with Joxer?
GABBY: What?! (Gasping) Wait a moment, you're saying I'm...
XENA: Come on, Gabrielle?! (Sighs) There's no need to deny it anymore, we both saw him fall to his death in Egypt. The least you can do for the poor guy is admit it just once!
GABBY: Xena this is re...
Xena raises her had up to Gabrielle in a threatening manner.
XENA: Gabrielle! (Dry and cold) You know what I'll tell you I miss him, he meant alot more to me than I ever told 'em.
GABBY: Xena? (Shocked) You loved him, didn't you?
XENA: He became like a little brother to me, always a pest and in the way. (Sobs) I wish he was bothering me right now.
GABBY: I know. (Sobs) Xena do you remember when Aphrodite cast that bell spell on Joxer and you told him that the gods could only use what was there?
XENA: Yes, that's when I started to wonder about both your feelings, then when Cupid's arrow hit you. I was shocked when you said you loved Joxer. (Pauses) After everything was put back to normal that was when I knew he loved you. He did love you so much, he gave his life for yours.
GABBY: I can still see him pushing me out of the way of that arrow, he fell and just yelled out my name. I think I always knew how much he loved me, but you're right. I never let that part of me out. I think out of guilt . (Sobs) Because of Perdicus! (Cries) Now I've lost Joxer too. (Gulps) Why?!
Xena comforts Gabrielle with a hug, then Xena stands up curtly.
XENA: Wait! (Scoffs) I didn't give up on you or Argo, so why are we giving up on Joxer?
GABBY: You think he might be alive?! (Smiles) Oh Xena, you're right!
XENA: Either way I'm gonna find him. (Lays on her bedroll) At the first sign of daylight, get some sleep.
Gabrielle lays in her bedroll and looks up at the full moon. Meanwhile Autolycus who was walking along a path by moon light when he heard someone behind him. He took a swing but hit only thin air.
AUTO: Who's there?!
JOXER: I's me, Joxer!
AUTO: Where are you, moron?
JOXER: This is a little hard to explain, but right now just part of me is here.
AUTO: Well have fun finding your other half? Good bye.
JOXER: Sorry, but you owe me a favor and since you did this for Xena...
AUTO: Oh no! Xena was bad enough, but you? (Scoffs) Forget it! I don't owe you that much. (Sighs) My body was only meant for one man pal! Me!
JOXER: Sorry, but I'm not going and you can't make me.
Autolycus feels Joxer's soul inside his body. He looks in the river at Joxer's refection and starts yelling at him.
AUTO: Get out of me! (Grunts) This is a little... Ahem, you know? (Pauses) So scram! Leave my body now!
JOXER: Not until I get my body back.
AUTO: Well you can't have mine! It looks so much better than yours.
JOXER: Hey! (Joxer pouts) Well I guess I'll just die then.
AUTO: Look I'll help you find Xena, then you can get inside Gabrielle's body. (Chuckles) It might be the only way you'll ever do that you know?
JOXER: Ha, ha! (Whispers) Um, could we not talk about Gabby, right now?
AUTO: Ah, yeah! (Clears his throat) Don't think about her, that belongs to me you know?! Think about your dead body and what might be crawling on it.
JOXER: Sorry I didn't mean to do that.
AUTO: Oh the sooner you're out of my body the better!
Gabrielle was dreaming of a garden full of flowers and a hedge maze. As she walked into the maze she heard a clanking sound. She followed behind the sound deeper into the maze.
JOXER: Gabby, why didn't you tell me?
GABBY: I'm sorry, Joxer. (Cries) I miss you, why did you go?!
JOXER: I had to save you.
Then she was back at the day that kept repeating. Xena started talking to her like Joxer wasn't there. Joxer seemed worried.
XENA: Gabrielle did you know that Joxer simply adores you?!
XENA: Mmm! Hum!
JOXER: Can I speak to you privately?
XENA: He'd walk 50 miles through broken glass just to sweat in your shadow.
JOXER: Ix-nay on the ove-lay alk-tay.
XENA: Oh yeah! (Chuckles) He worships you like a goddess. (Laughs) Right Joxer?
Joxer can only mumble something under his breath.
XENA: Stay here.
Suddenly they were in the street, as Joxer was ran through and he bleed. Joxer's bloody body falls in Gabrielle's arms. She wakes up screaming and Xena runs to her side.
XENA: It's ok. (Kisses her forehead) It was just a bad dream.
GABBY: Joxer, that day... Xena that day that repeated. Tell me everything, please I have to know. (Cries) I think I just recalled it.
XENA: Daylight has started. Pack up and I'll tell you on the way.
Just before they left, Autolycus walked up to them.
XENA: Autolycus? (Smiles) To what do we owe a visit by the king of thieves?
AUTO: Well I'll let him explain.
All of a sudden Autolycus starts reacting like Joxer.
AUTO/JOXER: Xena, it's me. (Sighs) Joxer!
XENA: Wait, I think it is him. Autolycus has too big an ego to act like Joxer and besides he knows better than to pull a stunt like this one.
AUTO/JOXER: Gabby, I have something I need to tell you and well, if you don't mind...
XENA: Oh here we go again! (Sighs) First me and now Joxer. Autolycus and Joxer, lets do this the easy way. Gabrielle close your eyes and think of 'em. Joxer leave Autolycus and join Gabrielle.
GABBY: Joxer it's ok. (Closes her eyes) Aright?
Joxer leaves Autolycus and goes into Gabrielle.
Autolycus sits with Xena and watches Gabrielle., as she stand still as a post.
AUTO: It was better with you, Xena. (Kisses Xena on the neck) Much better.
XENA: Not now.
Gabrielle is in the clouds and sees Joxer, she runs up and hugs him. Joxer gives her a huge goofy smile, she smiled back at him.
GABBY: I never believed I'd see that dumb look on your face again. (Giggles)
JOXER: Gabrielle?! (Looks at her with a stern glare) You can't fool me any more. I know how you feel about me. (Pauses) So stop with the insults.
GABBY: Old habits die hard.
Gabrielle leans closer to Joxer and they kiss lightly. Then Gabrielle wildly gets into it before she opens her eyes. She looks over at Autolycus and Xena.
GABBY: Joxer isn't dead if we can find his body in time we can save him.
AUTO: Well I've gone this far, but he stays with you blondie or no deal.
GABBY: Fine. (Smiles) It feels... Um, good having him so close to me.
XENA: I'll just bet it does. (Raises an eyebrow) But unless you intend on having his stay where he's at, we better get a move on.
Autolycus, Xena and Gabrielle make their way to the site, there they slowly head down in the huge hole. Xena reaches Joxer's body first and checks it for signs of life.
XENA: Joxer you better rejoin your body now.
Joxer leaves Gabrielle and opens his brown eyes as he sees Xena's shy blue eyes.
JOXER: It's nice to see you friend.
XENA: Right back at you.
JOXER: My leg. Ow! (Coughs) The rest of my body!
Xena and Autolycus drag Joxer up to a patch of grass. There Gabrielle tends to him.
GABBY: Shhh... Just rest. (Bends down and kisses him) I'm right here.
AUTO: Well he's been in my body, you've been in my body and he's been in her body. Now when do I get in your body, Xena?
Xena rolls up her eyes and then gives Autolycus a really cold look.
XENA: If or when I ever say so. (Raises an eyebrow)
The huge ego of Autolycus was abused during the writing of this fan fiction.