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STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle belong to Universal and Renaissance and whoever else has a stake in it. The story belongs to me and is copyrighted to me. No copyright infringement was intended and this was written entirely in fun.

SUBTEXT DISCLAIMER: Yes there is subtext. I believe these two women are deeply in love, though it’s very subtle here.

OTHER STUFF: I kind of got the idea for this by listening to Garth Brook’s "Shameless". Though there really isn’t any lyrics in here and there isn’t much similarity between this and the song, I just wanted you to know where I got the idea from. Hope you enjoy. Comments are always welcome and very much appreciated. Send any comments to Thanks.


by Shalon

I watch her across the fire as I have many nights before. I want to go to her.

No…I want to drop to my knees and kneel before her. Pledge my heart and soul to her. She already owns them; it’s just that it’s still unspoken. Still unknown by her.

How? How did she break into my carefully guarded heart?

There’s never been anything I couldn’t resist.

Even Ares. I turned my back on him. I could walk away from anyone or anything whenever I wanted to.

Except her.

Nothing has ever had this much control over me. Yes, she does have control.

She stops her task and glances up to me. Her eyes lock with mine and I swear I can see into her soul.

Her warmth.

Her acceptance.


The world melts away as I fall helplessly into her eyes.

And she smiles. I offer a small smile in return and then with effort I drag my gaze away, back to my blade. The familiar motion of the sharpening stone soothes me.

This sword…this is who I am. This is what I understand. I have made myself a world and it’s worked sufferably.

I can’t give it up…no more than I can draw her into it.

My hand stills on my weapon and I turn the sword, watching the firelight dance over the blade.

Almost the color of her hair…


She has to say my name twice before I blink and snap my eyes up to see her standing just in front of me.

"What’s bothering you?" She takes a seat beside me as I shrug off the question.

"You know I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk." I close my eyes as I feel the warmth of her hand on my arm, just above my wrist guard.

I swallow, then open my eyes before turning to face her, staring deeply into her verdant gaze.

Should I tell her? My thoughts, my dreams, my wishes…Should I draw her into my world?

I’ve never had so much to lose. And she has much to lose as well.

No, I won’t take her out of her world. I won’t draw her into mine, filled with hate, hurting, and hopelessness. Not until I can build a better world…if I can build a better world…

"Xena? You know I love you…Right?"

Finally I nod, accompanied by a sad smile. That’s the best I can offer her for now.

Maybe someday…someday after I’m able to lay this cursed weapon down…maybe then, I’ll be able to offer her more.


By Shalon - 12Oct99

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