Convert this page to Pilot DOC Format
Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.
~ XENA AND GABRIELLE SOLD TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER ~
by Melissa McMahan
ACT ONE: THE SIDE SHOW
Xena, Joxer and Gabrielle were sitting around the campfire eating a stray chicken, which made the mistake of getting to close to Xena's sword in battle.
GABBY: Dinar for your thoughts?
JOXER: You don't wanna know, Gabby. (Grins)
XENA: Nothing really.
GABBY: Fine then how about we play truth or dare?! (Giggles) Joxer?! (Sighs) Xena?
XENA & JOXER: No! (They look at each other)
GABBY: Ah, I think my friends have something to hide from me?! (Giggles) Joxer you're first!
JOXER: Um?! (Gulps) Dare!
GABBY: I dare you to tell me why you didn't pick truth.
JOXER: Because I figured you'd take it easier on me, boy was I ever wrong.
XENA: Gabrielle, it's your turn. (Chuckles) How do you really feel deep in your heart about Joxer?
Joxer's eyes became as big as an owl's eyes in the firelight, and Gabrielle made a few telling faces as well.
XENA: And me?
GABBY: I love you two, we're like family. (Smiles)
GABBY: Yes you idiot and it's your turn, Xena.
JOXER: Besides me how many guys have you ever kissed?
XENA: I've forgotten. (Raises an eyebrow)
GABBY: What?! (Gasping) You kissed Joxer?!
XENA: Only because I was acting like Meg, you know when we met Leah and it was all just part of the plan.
GABBY: Oh! (Very curtly) So it didn't really mean anything other than that, right?! (Fakes a giggle)
XENA: Nothing to worry about, but Joxer you're not a bad kisser. Is he Gabrielle, or have you forgotten all the guys you've kissed too?! (Smiles) Mmm?!
GABBY: Xena?! (Sighs) I remember ok?
XENA: Good Gabrielle. Then I don't hafta remind you that sometimes you can't keep your lips off of him.
GABBY: Excuse me?! What is that sup...
JOXER: Ladies please?!
GABBY: Your turn anyway Joxer, who kissed you better me or Xena?! (Xena scoffs) Oh so you think he'll say you?! Just because you could kill him so easily?!
XENA: No I know he'll say you.
GABBY: What makes you so sure of that?!
JOXER: Can't we just drop this?!
XENA: Ah, come on Joxer? (Chuckles) Can't you tell she's just dying to know? So spill it!
GABBY: Me what about you, Xena? (Scoffs) Look at you!
JOXER: Come on drop it, I'm not answering that.
GABBY: Oh no you don't! (Giggles) Xena, shall we refresh his memory a bit? How about you go first?
XENA: I'm game if you are?
JOXER: This ridiculous can't we just...
Xena grabs Joxer and gives him a big kiss, then pushes him back to Gabrielle and she takes over with a bigger kiss. Joxer can't do anything in either case but make little noises. His eyes cross slightly before he catches his breath. Xena and Gabrielle both laugh.
JOXER: Just to be safe. (Sighs) I'll declare it a tie.
GABBY: What?! (Scoffs)
XENA: Well I can live with that knowing how you feel about h... (Stops herself) Wait a minute who's turn is it?! (Chuckles) Oh yes, it's mine.
GABBY: You were gonna say something else?! What?!
JOXER: Hey I got an idea ho...
Gabrielle elbows Joxer in the chest, he yells out in pain.
XENA: I can't remember what I was gonna say now.
GABBY: Selective amnesia, Xena?! (Scoffs) Seems you forgotten a lot of things, like how many guys you've kissed. Ahem, but you can remember me kissing Joxer?!
XENA: Look it's late. (Dryly) I'm tired.
Xena gets up and lies down in her bedroll, leaving Gabrielle slightly mad and Joxer grateful she didn't blow it for him. Gabrielle rest her hand on his knee.
GABBY: Can you believe her?!
JOXER: I can. (Looks at the fire) She's had a long day.
GABBY: Well now that she is gone you can tell me the truth?! (Clears her throat) You don't have to spare my feelings you know, after all she's had a lot more experience than me. She's the better kisser, huh?!
Joxer mumbles unclearly and turns red. Gabrielle grabs his arm pulling him closer to her.
JOXER: Please Gabby, can't we drop this? (Sighs)
GABBY: No! (Giggles) Now hold still.
Before Joxer could say anything Gabrielle kisses him to the ground, he whimpers and pants as she lets go.
JOXER: Gab-b-brielle?! (He said gasping for air)
GABBY: Well, me or Xena?
JOXER: You! (Gets up breathing hard)
GABBY: Really?! (Joxer nods) Wow! (Giggles) I beat the Warrior Princess at something?! (Gets up) Goodnight.
Joxer watches Gabrielle walk over and get in her bed roll, as he finally catches his breath.
JOXER: So far the best night I can remember.
With a grin he gets up and goes for a walk. After a while he gets a good view of the moon and thinks about Gabrielle's kiss, his lips still quivering from it.
JOXER: I just wish I knew if it was more than that stupid contest, her and Xena were having? (Sighs) Her friendship with me could be turning into love for her too. He, he! (Groans) Oh who am I kidding?!
As Joxer heads back to the campsite he hears the muffled yells of both Xena and Gabrielle, he runs up only to find them being kidnapped by some big thugs. Xena makes a motion to Joxer towards Argo before she and Gabrielle are flung in to a horse drawn cart with three other women. Joxer snaps to why Xena had been motioning to Argo as he sees the handle of her sword as it shines in the moonlight. Two thugs talk to each other, as the other thugs get ready to move out.
THUG 1: Let's just take these five to Ambrose, then we can get our money for 'em and relax for awhile with some of his seasoned women. Like number ten.
THUG 2: Wouldn't mind these last two after he has some time to brake them. (Laughs) Hey we better get going!
THUG 1: Yeah, before we're caught.
Joxer waits until they are far enough away before he runs over to Argo, he quickly goes into the saddlebags and finds Xena's weapons. Then digs for money in both the womens things, he packs as fast as he can and follows just behind Xena and Gabrielle's kiddnappers.
ACT TWO: ROUGH TRADE
Send your E-hate mail to Melissa McMahan at...
|Listings of works by Melissa McMahan|
|Return to the Fan Fiction area|